i think i might secretly be laura marling

or at least her soul sister

don't hold yourself like that
you'll hurt your knees
i kissed your mouth and back
that's all i need
don't build your world around
volcanoes melt you down

and what i am to you is not real
what i am to you you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for the sea

don't throw yourself like that
in front of me
you kissed my mouth, your back
is that all you need?
don't drag my love around
volcanoes melt me down

what i am to you is not real
what i am to you you do not need
what i am to you is not what you mean to me
you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask

for what i give to you is just what i'm going through
this nothing new, no no, just another phase of finding
what i really need
is what makes me bleed
but like a new disease, she's still too young to treat
volcanoes melt you down
she's still too young
she's still too young
what i am to you
you do not need
is not real

i kissed your mouth
you do not need me

the big one - nine

today marks the day that i can officially buy cigarettes and rolling papers. i have hit the big times, let me tell you.

september 28, 2011 for me included:

-MY VERY OWN MACBOOK (!!!!)
-my favorite breakfast of norwegian waffles
-the purchasing of the first purse i have ever owned
-cheesy cards from my grandparents
-48 or so impersonal internet hbd greetings
-frozen custard (fuck lactose intolerance)


i am a spoiled fiend. thanks, everybody.

all is within (i wrote this months ago)

awareness ->choice -> freedom 

i want to be the canvas for      stories,      secrets,      terrors,      beauties
gloriously painted in truth's                                                              
                                       colors

um, hi

i am about as poetic as a dirty sock lately
everything seems slow and a little out of reach
i am turning 19 in a few hours
birthdays don't mean shit,
but it's good justification to do whatever the fuck i want.
i'm feeling profane,too.
i miss my best friend,
indescribably.
look for me in the october SLUG,
i'm about to be published.
that's pretty cool.

advice given to me:

SPEAK FORWARD.

trying
trying
trying.

i feel sort of stiff,

physically and the other way too
like maybe i need to do river yoga
like maybe i am dwelling on things that don't serve me
like maybe i am talking shit on a pretty sunset

some permanence

infinity

protection 

family

if i liked hanging out with girls

my netflix wouldn't see so much of me.
i'm doing a self-perpetuated loneliness thing.
i don't know why.
i keep having dreams in which someone i love tells me they are disappointed in me.
i think that's my subconscious feeling sad for doing what i promised to never do,
even though it's good as long as i look at it logically and not with the blood i have
that longs to be nomadic.
it has cooled off enough to wear flannel
i wish i could take off up a canyon and sleep there
watching shooting stars in a spot know one knows about
except me.

limits are an illusion.

songs for today

wet

we raced a thunderstorm and we won

drops formed

in

my

hair,

fell in your cup of tea

a little taste of universe to fill your bones

with.

cherish:

the way my eyelashes flutter in the nook of your spine the way moonlight mutters lacy somethings , love shrine

i just may

curl up under your eyelashes and never come out.

sometimes you just gotta skip out of town

Adam is a notorious overpacker

i'm watching him stuff his meant -for -80 -mile -backpacking -trips-backpack completely full for our 1 night hot springs adventure.

it's okay, though
i am notorious at losing everything
and he's still adorable.

the gap

between dreams & reality is
tiny
right now
fractional
everything is fluttering into the prettiest of places


i am writing for a magazine, i just got a volunteer position at my favorite music venue, i have a new camera and a new bakery jobs in the works, the weather is a changin, it's almost new journal time

my future is shining shining shining brighter

own your space

in other news

Adam accidentally sliced his thumb, straight through to the bone. be careful with knives, kids.
healing process is thus far including:
-nerding out on old school Dragon Ball Z episodes
-grapefruit juice
-excessive sleep
-lots o' love

it's september!

i love the first night where you leave the window open and get chilly enough for a blanket

it's been six months since an awesome thing happened, a landmark of many more landmarks to come

i am determined to get a sweet new non-cupcake baking gig

next weekend we are headed on a mini-roadtrip

i need to eat more protein

i can't wait to get my hands on a dark room

i will be 19 in a few weeks. ah!