things i dream about

-big sky, montana and the version of me that eats steak and rides horses
-green fields in ireland somewhere, where i lie by myself and spread my arms out
-writing frantic novels on my long lost typewriter in an apartment in france
-climbing tall things and crossing rivers with someones hand in mine and the sun is all gold and faded, like poloroids, and it is a sunday

clearly, i am in wantin' of some wanderin'

attention!

i am in love with a barista who called me pretty lady and took song requests. this is serious. i am going to frequent that place until he can't help but ask for my number. be mine, bearded boot wearing coffee making sir. please.

indian giver

i think i Indian Gave you my heart
with my infinite/innocent love and all
and i think you double crossed me
and have it still
and it makes you sad
but it would make you sadder to give it back.

''i just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. i need to know that these people exist''

-the perks of being a wallflower

absence

direct my marbly irises to yours: all springtime and leaves about to
                                                                                              turn colour.
i see canyon roads and the houses of those neighborhoods we claimed as ours, that time you said,
'people live inside everyone of those' and i kissed your face twice for being
                                                                                              remarkably profound.
i painted our love to memory, each pastel stroke like a grain of sand on a beach my feet
                                                                                              long to retrace.
it is all there, orbiting through eyes that are what i know of
                                                                                              Untainted beauty,
lying sideways on sundays with slanted light and full hearts,

the absence of which is insurmountable.

hey!

i am starting to vaguely remember what feeling healthy is like. and it is good. i am convinced slurpees and this song are the cure to everything. antibiotics? psh. who needs them. also i discovered that my hair goes goddess status the less i touch it. this gives me immense joy.
those delusional dreams where i wake up regretting a decision i am not sure if i made in real life or not are becoming frequent.a tad worrisome? maybe.
mostly, i am ranting. because i haven't talked to anyone but my journal in four days. i best be cutting off here.
 au revoir for tonight, universe. you are beautiful.

p.s. sick gurl got flowers. awh.

my first IV? awh, strep throat. you shouldn't have.

i was so gone by the time they hooked me up, that i pretended the fluid was melted igloos and that the nurses accent was eskimo.