7/12 although really 7/12 since its 2 in the morning

7-12

greek yogurt kissed with honey and strawberries should be dessert but is widely considered breakfast.

it tears up my stomach

i eat it anyway.

i don't remember how to write about feeling sad trapped angry lost lonely

like habit tells me i should

because things are so fucking beautiful.

my arms are getting buff

my spine is getting straight

and i know that time is an illusion

David Adam lets me draw murals on his back and walks five miles uphill to see me and our story breathes unconventional love for always

i rub cedar oil under my ears and on my heart

to have a little piece of the forest with me in this city of salt

once a man asked me where i was from and told me it was not here

he is right all technicalities aside.

Alby

Fionn

Seamus

Roisin

Rory

Teagan

Ros

Nolan

are Gaelic names i am stashing for when i have to name something. (someone?)

typing not sleeping

the story of my existence

even in my dreams i can smell typewriter ink

and hear the little bell

and see the words so defined on the page

i want to be reading but my legs are too jumpy

i want to be outside but my muscles are too lazy

my tea is lukewarm at best and i think it is time to retire as much as insomniac whore me wants to rebel

au revoir,

until we meet again

listohlove

i love watching my cat curl into himself. i love lightening storms. i love driving aimlessly. i love drinking hot water rather than cold. i love immersing myself in art. i love David Adam. i love irish coffee. i love that my spine is straighter than it was. i love anatomy. i love a day filled with things to learn. i love my glasses. i love gemstones. i love soul music. i love stretching. i love the ability to change. i love how much of a libra i am. i love reading in a hammock. i love how my muscles feel after a bike ride. i love fruit. i love having mountains for a backyard. i love scarves. i love the orthopedic grandma shoes i just bought even though i hate shoes. i love pretty much everything except cupcakes and allergies.

dear self,

please stop changing your mind all the time. especially towards giant life decisions.

regards,
self

eggzahhhstchyuuuun

in the past 48 hours i have:
biked 8 miles
worked 11 hours
slept 2 hours
woke up at 5
hiked a mountain barefoot in the sunrise
worked 9 more hours

currently collapsing on my bed, about to take a well deserved night of sleep. hoping Adam's camping trip is not getting stormed out/really wishing i had gone camping. comforted by my bulldog's snoring. yaaawn.

these lyrics always get me

So there was this woman and she was on an airplane,
and she was flying to meet her fiance seaming high above the largest ocean on planet earth.
She was seated next to this man she had tried to start conversations,
but the only thing she had really heard him say was to order his Bloody Mary.
She was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article about a third world country
that she couldn't even pronounce the name of.
And she was feeling very bored and despondent.
And then suddenly there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out,
and they started just falling thirty-thousand feet,
and the pilots on the microphone and he's saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, oh my god... I'm sorry" and apologizing.
And she looks at the man and says "Where are we going?" and he looks at her and he says "We're going to a party.
It's a birthday party. It's your birthday party.
Happy birthday darling. We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much."
And then he starts humming this little tune, it kind of goes like this: 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

We must talk in every telephone
Get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues in the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal
Strapped firmly to a chair
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare

We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing

It'll go like this:

While my mother waters plants
My father loads his guns
He says death will give us back to God
Just like this setting sun is returned to this lonesome ocean

And then they splashed into the deep blue sea
It was a wonderful splash

We must blend into the choir
Sing as static with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run

We must hang up in the belfry
Where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow
With just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge

And then we'll get down there, way down to the very bottom of everything
And then we'll see it, oh we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it

Oh my morning's coming back
The whole world's waking up
All the city buses swimming past
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one

lately

-hanging out in my underwear is a frequent occurrence
-(truth be told hanging out naked is a frequent occurrence)
-riding my bike all.over.this.city. 8 miles a day or so. i feel buff, and i also feel sweaty
-made my own shampoo! 1/4 c Dr. Bonners castille soap, splash of jojoba oil, splash of tea trea, splash of orange oil, some distilled water. bam. no crazy chemicals. happyhappy hair
-filled my room with chakra candles and dragons blood incense. acquired two protection gemstones from this psychic guy who fell in love with me and told me to learn self defense before i move to Pittsburgh on account of my beauty. aw.
-yes, i'm a hippie. yes, i believe in magic. and no, i won't squander myself to make you feel more comfortable
-cried all over Adam more times than my pride wants to admit. the idea of leaving him gets progressively harder
-discovered coconut juice and croquet
-bought my very first pair of heels ever. in case i ever need to kick some ass and look hawt doing it. they are red
-watched my dad's band open for f'in BOB MARLEY'S band. crazy awesome
-remembered how good i feel when i drink water, don't eat sugar, exercise, and listen to my body
-becoming rather excited for all the world-class concerts in my future

i trust that all will unfold like it should.

Please meet me at Neverland

First star on the right and straight on til morning.