7/16 a run on recap

whiskey shots drunken renditions of Wish You Were Here all of us crying over how beautiful life is reading books about magic eating homemade apple pie feeling empowered not even caring about my blister burned gimp feet talking with world travellers i might be the only girl who parties with her parents missing those dear to me who are abroad having their own adventures
loving Salt Lake despite all my resistance towards this place

 

this is how i see adam

colorscolorscolorscolorscolors

observations from when i was stranded today

two guys at the bus stop are discussing how sunblock is a hoax
it totally is, but i don't feel like piping in
the bus is $2.25 each way
talk about a hoax.
i know a recovering schizophrenic and i find myself terrified to ask her the questions i am dying to ask her.
Aly always told me that our art forms are necessary to the world. i love Aly because she isn't just talk.
waiting in the cafe of a corporate bookstore, drinking Starbucks cheap ass coffee. it's mediocre at best, but i admittedly have bitchy taste in coffee.
Adam told me that my soul is incredibly visible and tangible and impossible to ignore. and that is what made him fall in love with me: wondering what makes me so rare.
i can say the same for him.
i absolutely 100% desire a typewriter more than i desire a laptop that some Chinese slave baby got paid 3 cents an hour to assemble. but probably my parents will buy me a laptop for college because that's what american parents do.
i can't stop writing even though i am just spilling words of little importance
it is scary to me how we treat each other like robots. when i'm at work, i'm not a person, i'm just a vessel for others consumption. it's disgusting.
i am only 18 years old. sometimes i get ahead of myself and forget that. age is pretty arbitrary, but i should remind myself of how much i have accomplished and how infinite my possibilities are.
DIOS MIO there is a kid on a LEASH here. i thought that only existed in movies. wrong.on.so.many.levels

I'LL FOLLOW YOU AND MAKE A HEAVEN OUT OF HELL, AND I'LL DIE BY YOUR HAND WHICH I LOVE SO WELL

we'll sleep out in the garden. and if it rains, we'll sink into the mud. where it is quiet and much cooler than the house is and there is no clocks or phones to wake us up. because i have learned that nothing is as pressing as the one who is pressing would like you to believe. and i am content to walk a little slower, because there is nowhere that i really need to be.

these are days we dream about when the sunlight paints us gold, and this apartment could not be prettier as we danced up there alone. this tv is old, the color is fucked, do you see the difference in the shades? but the green is still close to green, my love. and i believe that we are the same.

and we'll stay like this, all gold and green; the light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen.

-conor oberst

7/12 although really 7/12 since its 2 in the morning

7-12

greek yogurt kissed with honey and strawberries should be dessert but is widely considered breakfast.

it tears up my stomach

i eat it anyway.

i don't remember how to write about feeling sad trapped angry lost lonely

like habit tells me i should

because things are so fucking beautiful.

my arms are getting buff

my spine is getting straight

and i know that time is an illusion

David Adam lets me draw murals on his back and walks five miles uphill to see me and our story breathes unconventional love for always

i rub cedar oil under my ears and on my heart

to have a little piece of the forest with me in this city of salt

once a man asked me where i was from and told me it was not here

he is right all technicalities aside.

Alby

Fionn

Seamus

Roisin

Rory

Teagan

Ros

Nolan

are Gaelic names i am stashing for when i have to name something. (someone?)

typing not sleeping

the story of my existence

even in my dreams i can smell typewriter ink

and hear the little bell

and see the words so defined on the page

i want to be reading but my legs are too jumpy

i want to be outside but my muscles are too lazy

my tea is lukewarm at best and i think it is time to retire as much as insomniac whore me wants to rebel

au revoir,

until we meet again

listohlove

i love watching my cat curl into himself. i love lightening storms. i love driving aimlessly. i love drinking hot water rather than cold. i love immersing myself in art. i love David Adam. i love irish coffee. i love that my spine is straighter than it was. i love anatomy. i love a day filled with things to learn. i love my glasses. i love gemstones. i love soul music. i love stretching. i love the ability to change. i love how much of a libra i am. i love reading in a hammock. i love how my muscles feel after a bike ride. i love fruit. i love having mountains for a backyard. i love scarves. i love the orthopedic grandma shoes i just bought even though i hate shoes. i love pretty much everything except cupcakes and allergies.

dear self,

please stop changing your mind all the time. especially towards giant life decisions.

regards,
self