ULTIMATUM

A) MOVE TO MISSOULA, MONTANA AND SPEND ONE YEAR LIVING AND WORKING, GAINING RESIDENCY, SO THAT NEXT FALL I CAN ATTEND U OF M AND STUDY PHOTOJOURNALISM

B) MOVE OUT INTO MY OWN PLACE AND GO TO WEBER STATE WHERE IT WILL BE FREE TO STUDY GENERALS UNTIL NEXT FALL AND TRANSFER TO AN OUT OF STATE UNIVERSITY


leaning towards Missoula. following my heart. ready for coming transformation.

hey

-Adam thinks i look hot in sweat pants and glasses
that is the best
- i am inspired lately by John F. Kennedy and film photography and oddly enough, some hip-hop music which i find offers a crucial perspective 
-i don't know where i am going to school anymore or how i am going to pay for it and that is stressful to say the least
-but i will get there
-i haven't watched tv in at least half a year
-i could (and do) watch documentaries all day
-i am tired of sugar
-i miss my best friend
-all i ever want to do is read, write and go camping

assasinations and other love stories

i swear its juice from those cherries i was eating

                                                                                                                                                                                  Not

                                                                                                                                                                                   Blood

on the bed.i feel bad when you feel bad about things you shouldn't feel bad about.
with
one of those headaches that creeps

                                                                                                                                                                                 down

                                                                                                                                                                                   your

                                                                                                                                                                                   neck

into your fingers
i suddenly realize that spreaders of Love are
shot in the head
while the cruelly corrupt plant rows and rows of seeds

what
if
Silence
doesn't work the way they think it does?

sometimes i get caught up in the biggest black magick trick of them all
money is as invisible as the man in the sky who invents freedom of choice and then punishes you if you make the wrong one
playground games for playground minds

                                                                                                                                                                       sickeningly,

                                                                                                                                                                             it 

works.

Retaliation! throwing out my makeup / stimulating synapses / loving shamelessly / asking questions / absorbing information /being unreasonable / never apologizing

                                                             Ceasing to Fear because as Lennon said

                                                            death is but leaving one train for another.

corn

watching a documentary called King Corn. basically EVERYTHING we eat derives from corn fertilized by ammonia, genetically modified to be grown as cheaply and effectively as possible. this corn is not edible, but is sent to factories to be made into corn syrup to be put into nearly every food on the shelf. corn syrup contains very small levels of poisonous chemicals, comparable to cigarettes. a person who drinks one soda per day nearly doubles their chance of developing type 2 diabetes. our generation may be the first in history to live a shorter life span than the generation before us simply because of our corn syrup consumption. even the meat we eat is corn-based. cattle are fed a steady diet of this inedible-to-humans corn for up to 180 days. if they continue to eat corn any longer than that, they die. their digestive tracts cannot process the corn, and they become sick from eating it. nearly 70% of antibiotics in the U.S. is fed to livestock. because of the diet we impose upon our livestock, the meat we ingest has a 65% fat content. and this whole viscous cycle is put into place so that Americans can pull up to a fast food restaurant and pay one buck for a burger.
oh, and the corn that isn't used for food is put directly towards the making of ethanol.

i am thoroughly disgusted,
but happy to have the awareness of this. think about what you're eating, ya'll

combat discouragement with determination
-aly dowe

thanks for the reminder

feelin

upset,
frustrated,
more upset,
more frustrated

because money is getting in the way of my dreams. as it turns out, there is no way i will be able to support myself in pittsburgh after they took away a chunk of my scholarship. if i have to stay here, my motivation will be the first thing to go. i will get sucked into drama and stupid politics and living at home and i will settle. i can't do that to myself. i am meant for bigger things than utah holds.
my current plan is to pack up a car with my lover and our dog and live with my aunt on a ranch in montana until i get it all figured out.


fuck money.
and fuck a society that only allows the wealthy to get an education.

ingrid bergman was such a badass