the big one - nine

today marks the day that i can officially buy cigarettes and rolling papers. i have hit the big times, let me tell you.

september 28, 2011 for me included:

-MY VERY OWN MACBOOK (!!!!)
-my favorite breakfast of norwegian waffles
-the purchasing of the first purse i have ever owned
-cheesy cards from my grandparents
-48 or so impersonal internet hbd greetings
-frozen custard (fuck lactose intolerance)


i am a spoiled fiend. thanks, everybody.

all is within (i wrote this months ago)

awareness ->choice -> freedom 

i want to be the canvas for      stories,      secrets,      terrors,      beauties
gloriously painted in truth's                                                              
                                       colors

um, hi

i am about as poetic as a dirty sock lately
everything seems slow and a little out of reach
i am turning 19 in a few hours
birthdays don't mean shit,
but it's good justification to do whatever the fuck i want.
i'm feeling profane,too.
i miss my best friend,
indescribably.
look for me in the october SLUG,
i'm about to be published.
that's pretty cool.

advice given to me:

SPEAK FORWARD.

trying
trying
trying.

i feel sort of stiff,

physically and the other way too
like maybe i need to do river yoga
like maybe i am dwelling on things that don't serve me
like maybe i am talking shit on a pretty sunset

some permanence

infinity

protection 

family

if i liked hanging out with girls

my netflix wouldn't see so much of me.
i'm doing a self-perpetuated loneliness thing.
i don't know why.
i keep having dreams in which someone i love tells me they are disappointed in me.
i think that's my subconscious feeling sad for doing what i promised to never do,
even though it's good as long as i look at it logically and not with the blood i have
that longs to be nomadic.
it has cooled off enough to wear flannel
i wish i could take off up a canyon and sleep there
watching shooting stars in a spot know one knows about
except me.

limits are an illusion.

songs for today