now.
this wasn't meant to hurt.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
toxic and timeless
IF I DON'T COME BACK,
I MEAN,
IF I GET SIDETRACKED,
IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I WANTED TO
I MEAN,
IF I GET SIDETRACKED,
IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I WANTED TO
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Thomas
forgetting you is an impossibility that presents itself ,,,
awareness is the slender shiver your spirit sends trembling through my marrow
it crosses my eyes and sometimes they notice.
unspoken lover,
you heard me when you dissolved
you heard me make the painful human discovery :
death means
i can't touch you even though
you are right there
remember how at your funeral, your mother and father didn't cry?
it either meant strength or suppression. i cried until my couch could not possibly absorb one more
tear,
always struck with the sensation that i knew you better than anyone and then feeling selfish because that is a fucking lie.
bravery is the look on your sallow face the day the chemotherapy made you blind
triumphant, knowing and peaceful
accepting
unafraid.
that night i knew before the phone call
your last seconds echoed in my blood.
echo they shall.
you belong to the impossible largeness of love
and it's okay that i never said the three words
because
in my head, you were never really dead.
awareness is the slender shiver your spirit sends trembling through my marrow
it crosses my eyes and sometimes they notice.
unspoken lover,
you heard me when you dissolved
you heard me make the painful human discovery :
death means
i can't touch you even though
you are right there
remember how at your funeral, your mother and father didn't cry?
it either meant strength or suppression. i cried until my couch could not possibly absorb one more
tear,
always struck with the sensation that i knew you better than anyone and then feeling selfish because that is a fucking lie.
bravery is the look on your sallow face the day the chemotherapy made you blind
triumphant, knowing and peaceful
accepting
unafraid.
that night i knew before the phone call
your last seconds echoed in my blood.
echo they shall.
you belong to the impossible largeness of love
and it's okay that i never said the three words
because
in my head, you were never really dead.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
today i filled up my journal
the one i have been writing in every single day since september 10, 2010. 'tis bittersweet. here are some cheesy photos to mark the occasion:
Monday, October 24, 2011
SLOWLY WE UNFOLD
i used to want friends,
now all i want is to fill my mouth with mountain lake air and fill my space with pentax prints of places that feel like mine alone.
film smells like memories that you worked for.
somewhere out there is the thing that makes me know that i am not meant for sinking. the thing that i'll stay up chain smoking and sweating over because it's worth it, what you love it always worth it.
now all i want is to fill my mouth with mountain lake air and fill my space with pentax prints of places that feel like mine alone.
film smells like memories that you worked for.
somewhere out there is the thing that makes me know that i am not meant for sinking. the thing that i'll stay up chain smoking and sweating over because it's worth it, what you love it always worth it.
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