also thanks for this hat

which i rarely take off.

well, universe

you are very good to me lately.
thanks for the kick ass internship,
and the even more kick ass scholarship.
thanks for the job at the vegan bakery where my favorite lady in all this city works with me.
thanks for my bike and my brudder and my bulldog.
thanks for letters from Liverpool,
and for Thom Yorke.
thanks for cafe au lait's and driving without direction and cookies.

THE WORLD IS SHIFTING, LOOK AROUND YOU.

boundless

meaningful in its meaningless:
windows rolled down
nightair canopied outstretched 
fingers
memorized streets flushed with 
the transience of our 
itching notions

we spoke of the seemingly surreal future
getting out of this red, square place
and slipping into a big city blissfully
unnoticed

words became arbitrary
as we pulled into the driveway
kicked back our seats
cried defiantly 
            the pending beauty
            the potential tragedy
            the growth spurt still
quivering in  muscle spasms


Clarity:
the world holds more for us

love is not passive

i'm not sure if i finally let it go,
but i am sure as hell trying. i think the hurt followed me around like a ghost, but i never looked over my shoulder until
last night. i thought you'd be as desperate for me as i (irrationally) was for you. and i guess hearing,
''i can never let you into my life again, because you hurt me too much''
was enough to weep myself clean of it all.
i feel a lightheavy sensation. where you once fermented in my head, there is a white coat of paint. deliberate strokes to cover
what i can no longer clench my fists around.
if i run into somewhere along the line, your eyes will be rough waters and i will wonder if you wondered about me.

goodbye,
you never really knew me anyway.

self p.2

i know i can exist without the feeling of you in my chest

self p. 1

what might have been lost?

WHERE WAS MY FAULT,
IN LOVING YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART?