How Is Your Heart?

during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
whores
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the
hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.

-charles bukowski

tattoo schemes

1)highly considering getting something similar to this across my back. it's something i think about every day: choosing to do the absurd and the daring despite every obstacle.

2) Aly and i decided last summer while looking at a river to both get the word boundless imprinted on our skin.  i want mine under the above scene, and in typewriter font.

My favorite feeling, the one i always strive for.

3)still in the works but something including the anahata heart center symbol, a key, and lotus flowers. all of which are very symbolic for who i am.

schemin' sure is fun.

a notable quotable from a dotable lover

''be careful out there, extraordinary people attract extraordinary things''

for the record i wish the following sorts of adoration upon everyone:

-back rubs even when you aren't in need of them
-a song written for you that takes months and months because he is worried about it not being perfect enough
-little notes left all over your room in obscure places so it takes you a while to find them all
-traveling 5 miles each way without a car to see you, even if it's just for a few hours
-doesn't blink an eye at waiting patiently and loyally while you take off 2,000 miles to the east coast for a crazy, independent college adventure
-taking time to just lay with you, talk with you, look at you, be with you
-making you middle of the night tacos and bringing you juice, yogurt and fruit in the morning (just the way you love it most)
-knowing instantly how you are feeling
-doing yoga with you in the front yard
-buying you a new walkman when your beloved one breaks after 10 years of use

...i could go on and on and on. i am so ridiculously fortunate. i attribute finding this beautiful soul to my trust that love exists; the world is shifting and that love is what leads the way.  go out and find it, create it, cultivate it. it is yours for the having and the sharing.

yours, truly

i saw my face in a photo from the year before this one
and it stopped me dead

i saw the naivety the fears of cancer the longing the entanglement the
hot air ballon dreams
the high school mindset the veganism the tension in my shoulders the thoughts stored in my cheeks like a squirrels nuts
the loss the drowning the infallible belief that we all deserve better the stubborn Irish blood the streaks of summer the
waiting

i took a photo today of my face
and all i see is the

honesty

new thing

i started up a photography blog after a few requests. these are honest shots and i don't believe in censoring naked bodies. check it out if you would like

www.smokeless-fire.blogspot.com

listity list list

-home from a week of volunteering at a camp for kids with cancer and their siblings. my brother and i started going as campers when i was 11 and i've been every summer since. i was a scared little shy-as-can-be girl then and was fortunate enough to make friends with people that are still in my life now --> people with such bravery and strength and incredible influence on me. this year i was able to stand back and look at how much we have all grown. i also got to play in a pool of jello, learn fart jokes, eat cookies and play with 6 year olds all week. which was the best. oh! and a newly acquired skill: i can turn a styrofoam cup inside out. bam.
i am so grateful for the whole experience.

-moving across the country sure can sneak up on you fast. i have somewhere around two months left in this city. it is taking a lot of willpower to not freak out. everyone keeps telling me that getting there is the hard part, and that it will get easier, and that missing people will go away. Adam tells me that there is no reason to fear, because love has no concept of distance. i am taking it to heart. i know i have a higher calling and that an independent adventure is necessary.

-i am desperately inspired by Annie Leibovitz and Ryan McGinley.

- i believe that world is shifting towards a higher vibration and a more enlightened age. endings are only beginnings.

- old school Regina Spektor is the best. like, Soviet Kitch old. 


i wish the best to you all.