maelstrom

conclusion: i want Utah to be the place for me, but repeatedly become acquainted with the notion that it simply is not. i do not know how to talk to fake people. i do not know how to talk to cute glasses wearing hot drink making people. i do not understand how i can hand out ten fecking resumes and not receive one phone call. when i breathe in deep, i hit a chord that i wish did not exist. i feel sad when i get kicked out of a closing coffee shop and have no where to go except an empty house that is not mine. that guy who sat in front of me tonight had a head that inexplicably reminded me of my dear lost-to-a-treacherous-disease friend. running away is appealing, but that would only mean missing what i sort of have here. staying here is not appealing, but i am out of brilliant alternatives until college rolls around.college better not suck.