my first piece of satire (which is pretty funny if i do say so myself)

A Utah Teacher's Guide To Sexual Education

1. SEX IS BAD- As far as your students should be concerned, the only things that come from sex are babies and diseases.
2. SEX IS SCARY- And questions about sex are scarier. If a student asks anything, refer them to their parents immediately.
3. CONDOMS PREVENT MINIVANS- But this is Utah, and we love our minivans. Mentioning this and any other form of contraceptive may result in termination of your career.
4. SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE DOES NOT EXIST- It is your job to blur religious beliefs into scientific fact as quietly and effectively as possible.
5. IGNORANCE IS BLISS- Hard facts and/or information about sex, STD's and pregnancy will only overwhelm your students. It is best to provide them with adequate blinders to anything except abstinence.
6. SEX IS NOT NATURAL!- Teenagers may be running rampant with hormones, but sexual urges are the highest form of evil and must be suppressed immediately. No sex is the best sex.
7. WORST CASE SCENARIO- If a student tells you they have had sex and ask for advice, they are lying. See #4.