AH

AHHHHHHhhhhhhh

i do this thing every once in a while where i watch documentaries all night
and every time i do that

the world gets me down
and my beliefs get me up

things that stress me out:
-how we are running out of water
-how our food system is fucked
-how all the bees are dying
-how we are suppressing knowledge of alternative energy sources and continuing to feed the psychotic oil system.  (did you know the man who first tried to present the electric car to the public was thrown in prison without a trial?)
-how porn is a billion dollar a year industry which is functioning to teach men to treat women like shit which leads to many other things that stress me out
-how kids are being turned into pill poppers before they even hit kindergarden
-how people like Rick Perry even exist
-how scary of a stronghold religion has, how people hinge their lives on the bible -which i find to be incoherent and ridiculous
-how gays are treated as if they are not humans
-how real news is practically nonexistent
-WAR, everything to do with war
-how there is absolutely a cure for cancer that is being withheld in order for the medical system to make money
-how technology is surpassing intellect
-HOW FUCKING APATHETIC MY GENERATION IS. seriously. i can rant and rant and rant only to be called a hippie as they get back to their pressing game of Angry Birds
-how absolutely atrocious the meat system is
-how everyone is unhappy and afraid to do anything about it
-how sad our education system is
-our complete lack of consciousness as humanity
-so
-many
-other
-things

things that make me feel better:
-being surrounded by souls who are fighting to change their reality with art, compassion and love
-believing in progression
-planning my future

...and my bulldog.

dreams

of crammed apartments with red walls
frantic typewriting
cigarettes and coffee.

water walls
deathly,
ravaging,
silencing apart from the single tear that braves his face.

fields/fields/fields
the only two things being
my soul
and the green

trees, sweaters, curly hair
foggy roads, running

of staring at a disappointed face
and dissolving
into
something
nothing

everything.

LEAP

AND
THE
NET
APPEARS

october thus far includes:

-my favorite gloomy weather

-every material thing i could ever hope for

-shooting film, which makes me giddy

-sweaters

-my first piece of writing published

-a sense of beginnings

''people never notice anything''

-catcher in the rye

your rocky spine

i was lost in the lakes
and the shape that your body makes
that your body makes

and the mountains said i could find you here
they whisper the snow and the leaves in my ear
i traced my fingers along your trails
your body was the map
i was lost in there

floating over your rocky spine
the glaciers made you and now you're mine

i was moving across your frozen veneer
the sky was dark
but you were clear
could you feel my footsteps?
and would you shatter, would you shatter?
would you?

your soft fingers between my claws
like purity against resolve
i could tell then that we were formed from the clay
and came from the rocks for earth to display

they told me to be careful up there
where the wind rages through your hair

-great lake swimmers

there is only one way to go

fact:
i am the queen of whiplash mind changes.
another fact:
underneath all of my indecisions are stubborn values
the most important of which is to live
BOUNDLESSLY.

so,
we talked with clear minds and clear lungs
and came to this,

i do not own him
he does not own me
we are free
and we love each other for free
there are no ties
no gimmicks
we choose each other
not out of obligation
not out of expectation
unconditionally

you can't lose something if you never held it tight

i do not have a boyfriend
i have a person who loves me no matter what
who wants for me what i want for me
and is not an anchor

thank you for everything

p.s.

what would i do without late night bunny skypes anyway?